community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
