i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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