Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
