Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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