Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
