tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
