i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
