This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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