I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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