Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
