If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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