Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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