Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
