Fuck appropriateness.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
