so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
