Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
