We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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