he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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