I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
