i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
