the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
