her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Someone shit on the floor
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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