North Korea, Best Korea!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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