The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
