im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
