I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
