i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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