got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
