9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
