People in love make me want to vomit
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
