What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
