Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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