I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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