Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
