He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
