You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
