I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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