Duck Duck Cougar?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
