it was like eating out sand paper
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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