anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
