When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
not ubering you a puppy
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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