Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
