just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
