Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She even gives head with a lisp.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
