I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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