Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
