Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
we're so committed to being not committed
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
