I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
