it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
