I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
