so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
