I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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