i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
